Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
