mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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