he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
