I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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