Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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