i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
