I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Terrible idea I love it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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