we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
