I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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