nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
