It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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