I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
please come you make the beer taste better
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
