is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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