Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
