a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Pooping to opera.
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