All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
