Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
