I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
