I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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