No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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