apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
