that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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