how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
