so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
