I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
