Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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