Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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