Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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