she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
