Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
