I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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