Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We don't watch enough power rangers
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
