do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
