We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
