We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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