there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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