My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
