from now on my penis is your penis
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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