The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Semen is not good for contacts.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
