Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
