I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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