If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't deserve a penis
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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