You really coming over, don't trick.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
