he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
