just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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