The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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