The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
