My liver just broke up with me...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Acid is not a monday night drug
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
