if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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