I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
