careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
